Beginning Again
 
Songs and Musings.
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Begininning again
Posted:Aug 14, 2018 6:12 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2018 6:32 pm
9622 Views

Have a little bit of time away from helping kids sort through their myriad of life drama, so I thought I'd get working on the blog.
A old friend of mine, from this site asked where my blog was. Told them it was deleted along with my old profile and she immediately chastised for not getting it back up. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm going to let it pass. Anyways, it seems I'm susceptible to goading, so here we go.

I have played the guitar and sang for god knows how many years. I was sure I was going to be a rock star in high school/college, but I'll let you guess how that turned out.

Since then, it's been hit and miss. I'll put the guitar down for a couple of years at a time, which is surprising if you've seen my bedroom. haha Only a chosen few will understand that line. Then i pick it up again and learn some new stuff and hopefully write some new songs. I'll start off with a song i wrote a few years back about a recurring dream. And a newer one. I'll try to remember to update it, but to be honest, I can go years with writing nothing, then spit out 15 songs in a month.

BTW. All the lyrics I post have been copyrighted.
10 Comments
Take me as I am
Posted:Aug 14, 2018 6:59 pm
Last Updated:Aug 22, 2018 6:02 pm
9545 Views

Ok, this one is more about relationships over the last 5 years. very honest about my thoughts that I really don't think I want to get married again. Been divorced for quite a while. Yet it always seems that, though I make that point up front. And it's agreed upon, most have ended up with me being the bad guy, who doesn't want to get married. I don't mind being a bad boy, but i hate being the bad guy.

Verse
You ask me who I want to be,
always just the man you see.
It's been so long since I tore down those walls.
Been here once or twice my friend,
Never like the way it ends.
When smiles turn into tears and the world seems to fall.
Watch it fall.

Chorus
It's really not that hard to just take me as I am,
You tell me what you need to live,
It's just the one thing I can't give.
And I don't want to be the one who makes you cry.
So if you have to leave, I understand.
It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.

Verse
I'd love to see you one more night,
I know that won't make it right,
But i really hate to see us end like this.
You never had to suffer lies,
my heart was never in disguise.
So if you have to leave, why can't it be with a kiss.
Oh my friend.

Chorus
It's really not that hard to just take me as I am,
You tell me what you need to live,
It's just the one thing I can't give.
And I don't want to be the one who makes you cry.
So if you have to leave, I understand.
It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.

Instrumental, then
Repeat Chorus with

It's a shame you couldn't take me as I am.
Why couldn't you just take me as I am.
1 comment
Back Home
Posted:Sep 25, 2018 12:52 pm
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2018 11:18 am
7685 Views

Well this was a fun find. Going through some old memory stuff last night, looking for a letter. I found part of a song. Reading through it, i was dumbfounded. This is the very first song I wrote! I was 17 at the time, and reading it was thinking, "Damn, I was a moody little bastard".

Doesn't have the second verse, and for the life of me, I can't remember it. What was funny, I picked up a guitar, and within 5 minutes was playing it. Can't believe I remember the melody. Half the time I can't remember songs I wrote last year. I'm still trying to figure out what a 17 year old was thinking were the good old days.

Back Home.

We live on dreams while we're young,
Try to turn ourselves into someone.
But the things we do,
Can't erase the things that we've done.

So we leave our homes to try and find,
A better world then we left behind.
But we find that,
Happiness is just a frame of mind.

Chorus.
But don't you try to find your way,
Back Home.
Back to all those good old days that have gone.
Live your life one day at a time,
Remembering nothing can be done.
About all those good old days that have gone.
21 Comments
Just following your lead.
Posted:Nov 20, 2018 1:07 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2018 7:28 pm
177 Views

I was a really good kid. Until I hit around 7th grade. Then I started hanging with the wrong people. Hell, I was the wrong people. Doing things I probably shouldn't have. Ok..yeah, I shouldn't have.

By high school, I was a wild child. And having an active imagination, even back then, I could cook up some crazy ideas on how to have fun. And lord knows, I could talk everyone into trying it. I was in without a doubt...Peer Pressure. At it's finest.

Skipping out of school..it'll be easy. I'll write you all notes from your parents. New drug..lets give it a whirl. What could go wrong? Not a single one of my friends parents liked me. I was always polite and respectful around parents. But things just always seemed to happen when I was around. LOL

Funny thing is..well not always so funny for my friends, is I rarely got caught. I'd come up with the idea for some crazy stunt. Get everyone to follow along. Then they'd all get busted somehow. Not me.

We'd blow stuff up, burn stuff down. We didn't experiment with drugs, we were into full scale research. Major destruction and chaos was just a normal part of life around me as a teenager. I was a wild child with no sense of mortality or fear of the outcome. And I drug a lot of people along for the ride. I was peer pressure.

Fast forward to adulthood, and I'd like to think I've calmed way down. And I'm no longer the one leading people into trouble. Point in fact, I'm usually the one talking people out of stupid shit. But apparently, some of my friends are still vulnerable to peer pressure.

My next door neighbor was out in the front last night, so my oldest and I went over to talk with him. His wife caught him , again, out with his friend messing around with other women. I asked him, why the hell are you listening to this guy man? His response is..I don't know. Just seemed like it would be fun.

I didn't say it out loud, but I'm thinking, dude you're 40 something and you're still falling for peer pressure?

One of our workers didn't show up for work today. Found out he's in jail. Was out with some friends. One of the friends was in a ongoing fight with some other guy. The details are a little sparse at the moment. So my worker decides to follow along while they all go and try to gang up on the dude. Turns out the dude has friends. Major fight breaks out. Two people in the hospital, and three in jail. This guy is 37 years old, has a wife and kids. But he's still giving in to peer pressure?

Unbelievable. Yeah..when I was young, I was an idiot in more ways than one. I rarely gave in to peer pressure back then, probably cause I was the one leading people into the abyss. But I grew out of it, and stopped doing stupid stuff dreamed up by some friend, just cause he said it'd be fun.

I know some are more prone to follow, but would you follow along with something you knew was just dumb? Do you find yourself in situations because of friends? I'm sure I'll make some more mistakes, before life is over. But I'd like to think they'll be little ones. Cause I didn't follow along blindly, and thought the crazy ideas through.
34 Comments
Thems fighting words!!
Posted:Nov 19, 2018 12:34 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2018 9:58 am
321 Views

I love professional football. I guess I should clarify that statement for my friends outside of the US. NFL football. From my earliest days I remember sitting around watching football with my Dad. We watched some college games, but the main event was always ....wait for it. The Dallas Cowboys. Somewhere, I just heard RedRock groan.

Something that I found really funny this morning, looking through some news story's was a link to why people hate the Cowboys. The truth is, it depends on how you ask the question it appears. Somehow, when the question is who is your favorite team, more people said the boys, than any other team. Putting them as the most liked team in the NFL..But. When the question was asked, which team do you dislike the most, once again, My boys were on top. So, the most liked, and the most hated, team in the NFL? My team, The Dallas Cowboys. LOL I'll take it!

I would consider myself a "fan", but not a fanatic. I can't say I really "hate" another team. Sure, there's the divisional rivalry, and I wasn't cheering for Philadelphia to win the last Super Bowl. But I didn't lose my mind when they did.

I find it humorous, when people truly get bent out of shape over a team they don't like. Sorta like the Patriots. Man I hear some shit talk about the Patriots and Brady. I wonder how much of that is anger due to them kicking everyone's asses in the numerous Super Bowls they've won recently.

I find it really disturbing, when I hear people cheer that someone on a rival team got injured.Washington, another division rival, just lost their starting QB yesterday. Broken tibia and fibula. I feel for the dude and the team. Sure it might throw the odds in our favor come the Thanksgiving day game, but I get no joy in that fact. Wish him a speedy and full recovery.

Win or lose, it's a game I watch. A competition. There's gonna be a winner and a loser in almost every game. Ties are rare. Do I yell and holler at the TV during the game? Hell yeah. My daughters puppy wants nothing to do with me during the games. But it's just an excitement and enthusiasm thing.

Do I sit back and do my best "armchair" QB routine during and after the game. Of course..it's become a national past time. We all like to think we'd make better decisions and calls, than the owners, GM's and coaches. Admittedly, at times, I have no clue what the hell they're thinking. But I'm also smart enough to realize that someone who's never built a house, probably won't know as much about the process as I do. I'd be willing to bet it's the same with Football.

So are you a fan or a fanatic. I mean I'll shit talk your team with the best of them. But for me it's friendly banter. I'm not losing any sleep if your team beats mine. LOL
45 Comments
Just a little thought.
Posted:Nov 18, 2018 12:31 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2018 5:42 pm
402 Views

It's the smell of the air on a early morning at the beach. The look on the face of your kid, that lets you know they feel happy and safe. The line of a woman's neck as it falls into her shoulders.

All little things. Little things, that often go unnoticed and unappreciated. Little tidbits that get lost in the quagmire of life, with all of the giant problems and hassles that we're forced to deal with.

There's a philosophy. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's a very well thought ideal, with lots of merit. It can help significantly in finding ways to deal with stress. I believe in it. In thinking about this the other day, though, it took my mind in a different direction. One that I woke up thinking about this morning.

Don't miss the small stuff. The little things, if you will.

I have failed in relationships more than once I think, by missing or flat out ignoring, the little things. Not taking that extra minute to listen to a problem. It was just a little problem. Probably would have only take a little time. It was a little thing. Until it wasn't. Missing subtle hints, or in my case, ignoring the little hints. Thinking it's not that big of a deal. Little things.

I like to think that slowly, I become a little wiser as I age. I've learned from past mistakes and I do try to notice the little things. In my own life, with family/friends, with relationships and sex. Pausing the movie for a sec, cause someone needed to ask another question. My youngest never seems to run out of questions.
A little thing that takes zero effort, but shows I care about her.

Building anticipation with a lover, by whispering thoughts of our next encounter as I leave for the day. Little things that mean more than showing up with a dozen roses. Just little things that can say more than a thousand words.

At times, I think all the big things in life that bring me happiness, all started as little things. I try not to let life bog me down so much, that I fail to notice the little things that pick me up. The little things that are so easy to miss, if I don't take the time to notice them.
36 Comments
There can be no beans...:)
Posted:Nov 17, 2018 12:15 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2018 5:45 am
578 Views

If you happened to miss my ranting rave last night, the last 24 hours have been a bitch. Things are settling down..Certainly not settled, but now it's just working through the problem. That said, I figured I'd cook some of my Texas Chili today. Cooking, the smell of the chili, and of course eating a good bowl of chili always helps my soul.

We had a slight discussion among a few of us on here, about what goes in chili. Or more concisely, what doesn't. I consider myself a "purist" with a lot of stuff and chili is one of those things.

There is no such thing as a melon margarita. There is no such thing as an apple martini.I do like mixing chocolate liqueur with vodka...but it's not a chocolate martini. It just doesn't exist , in a purist way of thinking. LOL.

And yes, Chili, or more specifically Texas Chili has no beans. Sure you can make a chili with beans. My turncoat daughter, likes beans in her chili. I still love her, though there are many comments made about turning her back on Texas. She's just obviously not as much of a Purist, as I am. That's ok. I've always said, I'd like them to be their own person, and always be better than me.

The chili is still cooking. Takes most of the day. My oldest is coming over in a bit with his wife and kids. He tends to be a purist as well, so I'm sure we'll be ganging up on the bean lover. I'll update this as the chili moves along.

Do you find yourself being a purist on certain things? Foods and drinks? Other things in life?
47 Comments
It's a trust thing.
Posted:Nov 16, 2018 7:49 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2018 8:25 pm
630 Views

Betrayal of trust is something that, in a very unrealistic point of view, means something more to me than anyone in the world. It's a vain statement. A egotistical statement. A phrase I came up with to describe other people, a myopic narcissistic statement.

But at the moment, it describes me.

Right now, as typing this, trying to comprehend to what degree I feel betrayed. trying to deal with a hurt, a anger, that not sure I've ever felt. For the first time in over 30 , looking for a reason to hit someone. Anyone. No regards for whether I win or lose. just like when I was a young, irresponsible idiot, who had no care of the outcome. Didn't plan on living forever anyway. I'd almost relish the feeling of getting hit right now, just to feel a pain that was physical, not mental.

enough now, maybe wise enough, to just lock myself away. Physically and emotionally. No danger to myself, or anyone else. And with some more wine, the never ending tick of time, and the help of some friends, it will pass.

Trust and honesty, is to me, more important than breathing. It is the one thing that binds me to my world. When it's broken by a lover, it hurts. When it's broken by someone I love and care about, it's like nothing in the world exists. Nothing left is real.

I will get through this, I always do. In the grand scheme of things, it's probably no where near as bad as it seems at the moment.

But as you might have noticed...it is affecting me.

Betrayal of trust, is never a good thing...
20 Comments
Damn that Phone
Posted:Nov 15, 2018 1:00 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2018 5:25 am
777 Views

I use my phone for work, so it's always on. And thankfully, for the work part of it, constantly ringing. Lots of phone calls means lots of work.

However these days, I'd say my phone calls have doubled. And it's not because of work. I get so many crazy telemarketing calls these days it's not even funny. I mean, calls for mortgages, calls for healthcare, calls for auto warranty's, calls in Spanish.

Hell my phone is lit up with "Scam Likely" calls constantly. It's getting crazy.

I haven't had a home phone for over 12 years. I got rid of it, because the people that ever called the were telemarketers. Everyone else called my cell phone. Now...everyone calls my cell. Even the telemarketers. There's gotta be something I can do about this, but for the life of me, I can't find it.

It's not like I'm giving out my to people. I never trust that, "we don't sell your ". I either don't give it, or I give them a fake .

I could see if it was like my freshman year in college. My roommate and I thought it would be fun to copy an AC/DC song. So we used window paint and wrote..."Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", with our phone on our dorm window. We got some crazy calls, and some even crazier drop in's. Might even have gotten lucky more than once off it. Well worth our being "published". LOL

But I digress from my bitching.

Is everyone getting this many telemarketing calls on their cells? Is there some way to stop it than any of you know? I'd look it up on the internet, but it'd probably lead me to a site that offered a solution. If I just give them my phone .
37 Comments
See ya Roy.
Posted:Nov 15, 2018 11:01 am
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2018 7:07 pm
716 Views

I'm not really a fan of the new country. Though there's a couple that are ok. But in my youth, I listened to a lot of what my dad listened to. And watched his favorite show with him, many times. Hee Haw. Crazy, country variety show, with lots of music.

One of the best on there was Roy Clark. Today, Roy passed away. While I may not have been what many would refer to as a fan, no guitarist could argue his ability on the guitar. Or the banjo, or the fiddle or the mandolin. Face it. That dude was a stringed virtuoso.

I hate to see any great guitarist leave us, and Roy is no exception.

Rest in peace Roy.
13 Comments
HNW-Fall In Brown Leather
Posted:Nov 14, 2018 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2018 9:56 am
918 Views
I hate to admit this, after BJ's pic in the snow, but it was in the high 40s here. And I was freezing when I came back in. LOL.

41 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Thems fighting words!! (46)BeverD829
Nov 20, 2018 11:06 pm
Just following your lead. (36)pocogato12
Nov 20, 2018 9:04 pm
HNW-Fall in South Texas (42)missthee
Nov 20, 2018 9:49 am
HNW-Fall In Brown Leather (41)missthee
Nov 20, 2018 9:27 am
Just a little thought. (36)sexysixties2
Nov 19, 2018 1:24 pm
It's a trust thing. (36)Wonder167
Nov 19, 2018 10:23 am
There can be no beans...:) (48)author51
Nov 19, 2018 3:47 am
Somewhere in My Mind (22)bigwhtdck86
Nov 18, 2018 6:41 pm
Hold My Beer (56)lonlyforlove2
Nov 18, 2018 5:57 pm
Damn that Phone (38)pocogato12
Nov 17, 2018 6:41 pm
Begininning again (19)tinroofrusted59
Nov 17, 2018 12:02 pm