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A Dangerous but Beautiful Event
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A Dangerous but Beautiful Event See below in the comments for the post. Thanks so much for stopping by to read my story. ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~ |
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We used to get those almost every winter as a child. The East wind whipping in from the gorge would paint everything in a thick coating of ice. A Silver Thaw it was called. I remember one particular winter when we were without power for 2 weeks waiting for the utility team to finally discover and remove a fallen branch on our backyard cable. It took those two weeks for the crews to go from repairing blown transformers to trace the outage to that little branch on our little cable. A Silver Thaw was always a dangerous but beautiful event… Even while I was playing “Sherlock on Steroids”, he and I started talking more. Within the first two weeks, in the aftermath of D-Day, we talked more about sex than we did in our entire marriage! I opened up about my issues and hang-ups, which were plenty but sounded so ridiculously petty in the light of day: performance anxieties, feeling unsexy most days, religious constraints ["Don't like sex? Just invite Jesus into your bedroom!”], and how sex had hurt at times. He opened up about his needs as well. The fact that sex was more about the intimacy and touch than just fucking to him. That he enjoyed seeing a woman getting off more than his own needs. This was news to me! I asked him tons of questions about his experiences: What was it like? Was it awkward? What did he do with them? How many times with each one? At first his answers were very measured. I think he thought I might use them against him in another argument down the road…or maybe in a court of law…or maybe he didn’t want to hurt me!? But, no, I was just really curious. And since it had happened several years ago, I felt it was safe to bring up and look at in all its glory now. Ha ha! Oh how my incredibly Puritan ways were beginning to fly out the window! I told him that I was open to watching porn, something I never did before!! It used to bother me big time when I would catch him watching it. During my Jesus days I was really good at shaming him. He said, “Do you know what I watched on porn?” [Oh Geez, did I really want to know?] He typed in a name and some old footage came up. “She remind you of anyone?” he asked. OMG! Even I could see the resemblance. The porn star looked exactly like me! She was my X rated doppelganger! Well, she looked like me back in the day with 80s hair anyway. And well, boobs, she had boobs twice the size of mine…okay, that’s fucking BIG! All he wanted all those years was for his wife who once looked like a porn star to act like a porn star! Then something happened…something miraculous happened! Like sunlight on the ice laden branches, I started to warm up. The thought that other women found him desirable really started to turn me on! It made me see him from a completely different perspective. Could it be that the ice was melting off the Ice Queen!? It didn’t take long before I came onto him! I teased and taunted him. I relished his kisses in a whole new way. He willingly responded and shared what his forays into fuckland had taught him! We were re-discovering each other like never before. We could laugh in the bedroom again. The biggest change for me was to let go of the performance aspect and just let my body enjoy the experience. I made him the promise that from now on, I would always be available to him. He took me up on that offer…we played every night for weeks, [actually the mornings proved to be a better time] sometimes twice a day. Languid lounging times, quickies in the computer room; new discoveries, new toys, new fun. It was the beginning of a sexual awakening for me. But…was it enough? for him? for me? for us? ~~~" Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift." --Mary Oliver~~~
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10/25/2020 4:48 pm |
is very beautiful image.. perfect fotografic
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Some great analogies here lady. (And YES, you DO look like a porn star - mostly the glorious hair - though I can't cite any names.) I can't help but think he wanted you to find the stash of sex toys, and it would seem that it worked for him (you/both of you) in the short term. But yet here you are posting on a blog entitled "My Second Act" though as I write this it occurs to me that is NOT the same as one titled "Starting Over". Guess I'm learning to be patient (haaa) and see how this all plays/played out. Fun with Photos Flashback Friday Volume 9 More Bits and Pieces T is for Thong, on HNW [post 3312759] My Private Blog - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets
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hmm ok, I'm a believer everything has worked out in the end that wasn't so bad but, something tells me, there may be more to come I'm sleeping with the night lite on, and, one eye open just in case thanks for sharing hmm be safe Ambrosia - "How Much I Feel" I don't know how this whole business started Of you thinkin' that I have been untrue But if you think that we'd be better parted It's gonna hurt me, but I'll break away from you Well, just give me the sign and I will be gone, yeah feel for you, baby (How much I need) well I need your touch (How much I live) I live for your loving That's how much (that's how much) That's how much, that's how much I sleep alone, and late at night I'm dreamin' Of the togetherness that seems to be leaving me I'd give it all and then I'd give some more If you would only love me like you had before Well, take hold of my hand and all will be forgiven, yeah To leave private messages, please use my confidential mailbox at my blog: Good luck!!! 
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Winter's splendid beauties are occasionally offset with terrors it can wreak upon our comfort and safety. Happily most of its dangers are *objective*. Positivity, LED headlamps and a good wood stove will sustain you through most of them. The fantastic takeaway from today's chapter was the invaluable power of communication to disrupt and redirect a relationship that has plateaued and lost its erotic *charge*. It is unfortunate that your revelations came out of anger and confrontation, but I sense that through this crisis you achieved an important release of unacknowledged inhibitions and desires.
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Cherry trapped in ice. Brunette wasted on the branch. Time for Silver thaw... 
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Feel free to use, but be prepared to share..... 
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